| tell me where are the good times? |
[30 Apr 2006|10:30pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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music |
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actionaction |
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yea so im sick of feeling like i have no friends anymore
i feel like no one wants to talk to me or have anything to do with me anymore and i dont understand why. i'm tired of making an effort to hang out with people and getting ditched. what did i do to make everyone hate me? seriously.
i guess everyone just got too cool for me.
nonetheless i have about 15 days left of school and i cant wait.
i cant wait for this school year to end.
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| gahhhh |
[08 Mar 2006|10:24pm] |
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mood |
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 high |
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life is so crazy.
for example this morning i couldnt find my keys and after about 10 minutes of looking i remembered i used them to get a cd from the car and it was on on so you can listen to the radio all night basically because i was stoned and didnt realize i forgot them. so the car was dead. what a fucking idiot? lol i was so pist at myself. but my parents had cables so we just jump started it so it was all ok in the end.
ugh the past few weeks ive worked 4-10 tuesday wedensday and thursday and i hate it. i hate 3 days in a row of straight working, but usually i get the whole weekend off so its ok i guess in that sense. its just so longg. i finally got a raise though for being certifed. yet i still only get paid 7.65 its so lame. it pisses me off that people who cant even do a return get paid more than me. but atleast i got a raise so its better than 7.30.
andd i kinda have 22 absenses this year and its crazy how much school ive missed latley. i dont even know why i dont go. its just because i really hate it and i just dont feeling seeing all the same people i hate and going through the day. i hate most of my classes and im probaly failing precal and anatomy becuase of my absenses. i missed a lab in anatomy so thats why im failing. and i owe so much homework and a quiz in precal so hopefully i dont fail. ive never failed a class before so its just kinda funny. im failing gym because i dont go. i dont need the credit or class and they wouldnt let me drop it so i just dont go haha.
but im doing good in all my other classes. i just hope i graudate, all my absenses are excused so im hoping it will be fine.
i hate how none of my old friends really talk to me anymore. im sick of them never making any effort to even talk to me and im sick of being the only one making an effort.
stephanie is moving in with me for 2 weeks. hopefully we dont kill eachother haha. ive almost been with john for 10 months now too. its crazy. i know we fight or argue alot kinda but its mostly over wicked stupid stuff and besides that everything is always good. so it makes up for it in the end.
yea and now i wrote a really long entry that i know no one is going to read haha. i dont blame you though. i wouldnt wanna read this either.
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| i dont even know anymore |
[24 Feb 2006|12:27pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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mount sims |
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wowwww.
you make me sick to my stomach.
i cant believe you used to be one of my best friends.
atleast now ive finally realized that you've completely changed and we're not ever gunna be close again.
its all good though. the friends i have now are amazing. and i have john<3.
and really, thats all i need in my life.
its just sad to watch old friend come and go, but ill get over it. i always do.
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| This is the last night in my body |
[24 Jan 2006|09:55pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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the receiving end of sirens |
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yea so life has been wicked crazy. i have midterms all week and im really dreading them. i have precal tomorrow and the thought of my anatomy and psychology midterms just make me sick to my stomach becuase im gunna do horribleee. im so sick of school. i barley even go anymore. monday i didnt and i just went for one period today but i do all my work. i just hope i dont fuck up and dont earn my credits. not graduating would be horrible but i think i should be fine. hopefully in the 3rd quater things will be different. id say that im gunna stop skipping school but i keep saying that and i never stop. im gunna try to. i just really cannot wait to graduate.
got the new action action cd today and its ok i guess. the old one is so much better. they use to much synth in some of their songs and sometimes his voice just gets kinda annoying because of how warped it sounds. other than that though its good.
last saturday marked 8 months with john and i couldnt be happier. things have just changed so much. my old best friend dosent even really talk to me anymore and im not sure if we're ever gunna be actual close friends again. it just sucks how fast things change. ive just been competely ditched by everyone it seems.
whatever though the friends i have now are all i need. it just sucks.
i also really need to sleep more often. im sick of always being tired.
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| this modern love breaks me. |
[07 Jan 2006|02:19pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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minus the bear. |
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yea so this is the worst week ive had in the longest time. i dont think ive ever felt so hopeless.
i didnt even have one full day of school and i could barley stand the little time i spent in it. i really hate high school and mostly everyone it that school. it really makes me miserable like it makes everyone else miserable. i really cant wait for it to all be over.
just like i cant wait for this week to be over. i have to work 3-10 tonight and it's gunna be horrible. but atleast im hanging out with stephanie later.
i actually started cutting down with pot too. i was doing really good up until this week. ive smoked more pot in the past few days then i usually do in a week and a half. i need to calm the fuck down and stop flipping out for no reason.
this whole situation makes me sick to my stomach. i hope it blows over but i really am not sure if it's going to.
i just hope tonight goes by fast.
and i wish i could sleep through the next month or so.
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| well it's been forever |
[02 Jan 2006|10:38pm] |
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mood |
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high |
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music |
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bloc partyy |
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i really cant remember when i updated this last. i kinda stopped liking livejournal and writing about what i did everyday. its kinda obnoxious.
if you really want to talk to me and hear about my day then you can just im me or something haha. causeeee im probaly never gunna update this still.
life has been crazy though. it has had its ups and it has had its downs. john makes me the happiest boy alive and hes in england for a week. i already miss him so much its kinda sad. its just hard becuase im used to seeing him everyday and i spent literally everyday with him over vacation. whatever though maybe a this break will be a good thing.
new years was off the hook. i went to jules house with stephanie and john and partyed all night with jules and all these other kids i dont feel like naming. we smoked a blunt at midnight once the ball dropped on the porch and threw confetti. it was so awesome haha.
i wish vacation wasnt coming to an end.
and i hate how most of my old best friends have become complete strangers to me.
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| so coldd |
[14 Dec 2005|03:38pm] |
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mood |
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 irritated |
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real update soon i promise.
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| sorry im such an asshole sometimes |
[06 Nov 2005|06:31am] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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nothing its so earlyyy. |
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yea so life has been really crazy. just when i think that things cant get even more crazy, they just do. its already november and this year is flying by so fast. things were so different a year ago. i cant even grasp it or picture how things were. i barley talk to any of my old friends but they all changed just as much as i did. they ditch me just as much as i ditch them. we are shitty to eachother and it really pisses me off cause i really do miss it. but no one even fucking gets along anymore its so hard. i wish i could go back to 2004 so bad sometimes because we were all friends and things were so awesome.
not to say things arent good now though. john is amazing im so glad i met him and that we're going out. im so glad i met stephanie too. i just really want to hang out with anne matt and maria so bad. ive been so shitty to them. im so sorry you guys if you see this. i need to stop saying im gunna hang out with them and actually fucking do it.
i hate what ive become kinda. i got so drunk last night and ditched everyone. its not that it was on purpose. i just got drunk and was fucking stupid and the worst part is when i was actually drunk i didnt even want to be. everything was spinning and i drank too much and it just wasnt even fun. i mean it was atfirst but when 10:30 came around or whatever time i cant even remember, i just realized i really wish i didnt get drunk. i woke up at fucking 4 too. and i havent fallen back to sleep i just keep thinking about everything and how i fucked up so bad. it pisses me off how i keep letting myself and giving in.
i havent stopped skipping school either and its horrible. i had like 2 full days of school last week and i cant remember the last time i went to school for the whole week. its horrible im fucking up my senior year so bad and its so stupid. i really need to get my act together. i dont even have college applications yet. i know where i wanna go though kinda. everything is just so stressful. how am i supposed to know what i wanna do for the rest of my life? is anyone else really intimiated by college and growing up? because i know i am. i feel like im not ready or something. i wish things could just slow down for once. theres never enough time for anything.
another thing i realized is i regret wayy to much and its because i fuck up everything by doing something stupid like getting drunk or stoned. it needs to stop. im really not going to drink im not even sure if i like it anymore all the time. its just one of those things that is good once in awhile. im not sure if i could ever quit smoking pot though. its kinda sad.
but yea i need to go get dressed and bring laura to work cause im nice and give her rides every sunday now.
ill update for real soon i promise.
<333
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| Lets get these teen hearts beating faster faster |
[14 Oct 2005|08:12am] |
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mood |
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lethargic |
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music |
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hot hot heat |
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yea so i never update anymore. i just really dont feel like updating that much about my life anymore. all the important people know and if you really wanna know whats going on you can always call or im me. (this dosent go to everyone) but im so sick of certain people saying "i miss you we need to hang out". i always make plans with these people and they always ditch me in the end. i feel like i dont even have any friends sometimes anymore. but i love the ones i have right now. i just miss some of the old ones. i wish we didnt drift so much. i dont even know how it happened. everything just changed so fast.
but yea so i went to see fall out boy and panic at the disco last weekend. it was a 3 day weekend and it was amazing. i had the whole weekend off after friday night and i spent the whole weekened with johnn<33 and hung out with stephanie and hannah and kkilla. we went and waited an hour in the pouring rain in trash bags before fall out boy. haha we're fucking losers but everyone had fucking trash bags or ponchos and we didnt wanna get completely soaked. but we did anyway and it was air conditioned inside and i almost died. but panic at the disco was first and they were amazing. i didnt watch boys night out. i watched motion city soundtrack from the seats and they were good. the starting line was terribleeee i hate them. fall out boy really good. they played alot of old stuff.
we fishbowled my car at this new creepy place we found were dead cars are. its near this really creepy broken down building and the north river. and the fog rises up all the time and it looks so crazy with the shadows of the trees. haha.
yea and i kinda had a really bad night last night and so im home from school. i just didnt wanna deal with gym for 80 minutes. im gunna go in later. i really need to stop skipping school haha. im doing good in all my classes though. next week i really should go the wholeee week. haha.
i cut my hair yesterday. i miss it. it so short now. haha
anddd i love this boyyy. <3
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foolishandyoung's journal
